Saturday, September 12, 2009

Am I really a better person?

Until recently I/we (the CFO and I) felt like we have really grown spiritually. I am not saying that we haven't, I just always viewed growth as one way. You know, birthdays never go backwards:) Unfortunately, as many people know all too well, the journey to walk with Jesus is not only uphill, it is also greased, covered in ball bearings and has traps. I now realize my journey is more like a game of Donkey Kong with barrels and fire coming at you all the time.

I have been back-sliding lately. Why you ask? Well, let's just say that I now believe in the Devil more than ever. I have mentioned before that one of my guilty pleasures is watching Dexter. It is a Showtime series. I/we have been waiting for season 3 to release on DVD so we could watch it as we do not have cable. When we finally got the first disk I was surprised at how the language shocked me. I had never realized how bad it was. But as we watched the series I quickly found myself slipping back into the role of it not bothering me and it was invading my thoughts as it once did.

I am reminded about a talk I gave to our youth group at Church. I told them that it is a constant struggle to stay on the path. Especially when you are use to being off the path. A friend and I often talk about which is easier... to have never succumb to many of the temptations of this fallen world and thus remained less "of" the world or to have been "of" the world including it's many temptations and then have made the decision to turn away from them and towards God. Both sides have their arguments. For instance if you do not know the savory goodness of a hot Krispy Kreme doughnut then you drive by the store with little notice. But if you, as I do, know the VERY temporary pleasure of eating one (or twelve) hot glazed doughnuts then you have to fight the urge to turn in when their sign is on. But it also seems that people seem to truly "get" Grace when they themselves have needed more of it.

Of all my worries and regrets the biggest is the influence I have had and will have on others. As one of my favorite songs says.... "be careful little feet where you go, it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow."

Others learn the most from us when we think we aren't "teaching".



Lynn Leaming said...

I always appreciate your transparency Al. I think we all struggle with living in this world but pursuing holiness. I often will ask someone what a movie is rated PG13 for and they will reply well it only had......I think we all struggle with desensitization. We've come a long way from being shocked by that first cuss word in "Gone With The Wind". In our current Beth Moore bible study on Daniel she is emphasizing that God calls us to influence our culture not our culture to influence us. May the Lord continue to call both of us to His standards of holiness and not our own standards of acceptance.

Rachel said...

I think that God is more honored by our obedience when we don't "feel" like obeying...when we're not enjoying the emotional high of growing leaps and bounds in the Lord. Every person's walk has periods of rapid growth and periods of stagnancy, or even backsliding. God is honored when we make the daily choice to put His will first, even when we don't want to. Most of my life, I have wanted to please the Lord, but the times of true testing have been when I have NOT wanted to obey, and have chosen to anyway.